All You Can Do

I always go back and forth about why my novel has not received more attention or a stronger response from readers. I need to keep telling myself that all I can do as a novelist is the best of which I am capable.

If I do my best, if I dig deep enough, then what I write will reveal who I really am. That is all I can do. If that does not pull readers in, if they don’t like my view of life and the world around me, I cannot force them to do that. I, as a novelist, have done my best.

I may sound bitter or defeatist, which is not how I feel. Just resigned. Resigned that I have done all I could. I also realize that very few people have actually read my first novel; if I can find a larger audience, perhaps I’ll get a better response to the book. That’s one thing that keeps me going.

But I cannot deny that the worldview expressed in the book, my own worldview, is harsh and somber, at times grim, the worldview of a man who’s learned to push his way through a lot of difficulties, because that’s what it has taken me to keep going and to get any attention for myself and my work. As a result, my main characters tend to take themselves a little too seriously, push hard all the time, and fight for attention because they resent being overlooked or taken for granted.

That’s who my characters are. That’s who I am. Whatever success my books gain or fail to gain, I can live with who I am and what I have accomplished.