The Courage to Defend

“One needs courage not only to murder one’s own things, but also to defend them.” So said Dmitri Shostakovich, the Russian composer, in 1936. In my last post, I attacked myself for what I perceived as the limitations in my first novel, A FALSE DAWN. Yes, it was my first novel, so any first-time author will make mistakes.

But I felt, and I still believe, that I could have written a better book. Perhaps I could have. Maybe someday I’ll revise it, once again, as I’ve already done several times. And yes, I believe that my sequel, SUNRISING, will demonstrate my growth as a novelist.

My point is, I’m still very proud of that first book. I worked on the story, as a screenplay and then a novel, for close to 34 years. That’s not a typo. 34 years. I wanted the story to move, and the characters to move readers, and many readers did indeed feel moved. So in addition to the great joy I derived from doing the work, I also feel sure that I wrote the best book I was capable of writing at the time.

There’s no reason for me to be too hard on myself. I put A FALSE DAWN out there with the feeling that “This is the very best I can do, given the story I’ve chosen to tell.” Another, greater writer might have taken the same story and made a better book out of it. But it would not have been my book, my story. This way, with all its faults and limitations, it is mine.